[voice] backdated to fourth wall day (or: the truly latest ever)

[unmakeme_tlv]

I'm hunting reindeer. I don't think I brought the right gear. The snow is too thick on the ground and I lost my snowshoes.

[[OOC: I really couldn't figure out what Natasha would do when she realized that people from home could talk to her. So, yeah, if you're in Natasha's tiny little circle (Clint and Phil), pretend all that makes sense to you, because it's code. If you're not, there's still her voice to recognize.]]

Comments

[reasonability]

[ The voice comes through on his phone, and he knows, he knows. Sits back in his little office on the Bus and smiles. ]

Should've packed better.

[unmakeme]

[That voice is like a punch in the gut. A hard one. It knocks the air out of her with an audible whoosh.

She'd been fishing for Clint, not Coulson. Because Coulson is dead. She's not sure why it's so surprising to hear his voice. Time doesn't seem to matter here. She should have expected it, really, should have seen it coming.]

Suit?

[reasonability]

Should've known they couldn't keep a secret from you forever.

[unmakeme]

[Secret? Grief might make things a little cloudy, but Natasha still knows when there's a hand that someone can be tricked into tipping. Even better if they think it's already been tipped.]

You have to wonder why they even bother trying at this point.

The real question is: why did you? Why didn't you tell me, Suit?

[reasonability]

Level Seven.

[ Security level, that is. One that she doesn't have. His duty tied his hands. ]

And you know he wouldn't want the Avengers to know. [ He calls them that - the Avengers. They are a team, now. He believes in them. And they've moved beyond him: God knows she doesn't need him. ]

[unmakeme]

[The Avengers. The Avengers. The bottom drops out of her world all over again. She has to sit down, her breathing shallow and her eyes staring at nothing.]

Forget the Avengers. What about us? [Her and Clint. What about them? They were supposed to be more than just the job, weren't they?]

[reasonability]

You don't need me.

[ Said soft, and a little sadly, and with a lot of pride. He thinks she's moved on. She should have the chance to move on.

Not that he didn't hope she'd find him. ]

[unmakeme]

Of course I don't need you. I don't need any of you. That's not the point.

[She never needed a team. She never planned to care about Coulson, never planned to care about Clint. You didn't love things that could be taken away, and people could be taken away in all kinds of horrible ways. She'd accepted that it would happen some day, that they would die. What she hadn't wanted to admit to herself was the far more likely scenario where they just left.]

[reasonability]

You're more than me now, Natasha. [ Her first name - rarely used. ] You're gonna do great.

[unmakeme]

That's not the-- You were supposed to be the person I could count on to not leave. [One of them, anyway.]

I knew you were going to die. We all know that about everyone in our lives, we accept it, but not this.

[reasonability]

I should've died.

[ That, there, is a little tense. His normal tone rarely varies; when it shows even this much emotion, it means there's something wrong. Really wrong. ]

[unmakeme]

Join the club.

[Since when is near-death supposed to be a hindrance for them? Any of them?]

Whatever you're not saying, you should say. I don't know how much time I have on this line.

[darknessb4me]

So leave the CES.

[unmakeme]

Wrong reindeer.